Restless for more

Lately God has been doing something new in me ... in my heart. There has been a "shift" - and it's a GOOD thing! Over the past few years I've spent a lot of time just trying to become the woman I know God created me to be, and failing miserably in every attempt. I would see some success but inevitably, because I was doing most of the work in my own power and not resting in the Lord, I would fail.

And its not that trying and desiring is wrong, but doing that without having learned to walk with God in the process, is a futile attempt to create life for myself ... I was grasping. But there has been a shift. My restlessness has been tamed by the gentle and overwhelmingly passionate love of Christ for ME. What an absolute trip! The shifting was subtle but one day a few weeks ago, I realized that something had changed. Something BIG! And now the restlessness is new.

I am no longer restless for the completion of the work the Lord is doing. I am now confident it has already been done and I am standing in that promise ... I will not be shaken. And I am completely aware that I am in a battle - that there is a battle for my healing but the Lord will prevail as I am a willing participant WITH Him in the process... eyes to the front and heart for the Lord!

Now I am restless FOR the Lord ... for more of HIM ... and THAT is what's new! Not that I haven't wanted this before, but without that "shift" in my soul, there was a block to my desire. Its something that all of us have to face at some point if we really want to be free ... really desire to walk forward without hanging on to the past - truly giving up our own attempts to grasp life for ourselves.

I am also aware that this shift inside of me is new and tender, and that there will be a battle just for that. I can choose to walk away from it - to turn back to my own grasping ... we all have to face that choice ... every single day. And we have to have the strength to face that choice. And I am acutely aware that the amount of time that I spend in the presence of the Lord is directly proportionate to the amount of strength I will have for the battle! It is a sacrifice ... daily ... moment by moment. On my own, I will fail, but in His presence I will always win. It won't be easy and I'll still have to deal with the pain of lost hope, desires unmet and realities of life, but I have a promise ... Because of His great love for me, he died and rose again that I would NOT be lost. His love is overwhelming and I am awed at His little touches in my life ... and blown away by the big ones.

I am restless for more ... more of the Lord. May I always be reminded of His love for me in the way that I am this morning. And may I always be open to his voice in the midst of the chaos of life. It isn't easy, but there has been a shift ... and I want MORE!