Three simple words but SO life changing for me. I've been on a new piece of the journey recently, and the other night during a worship time at a local church, I was catapulted from the midst of the struggles and issues, right into the arms of God and overwhelmed by His three simple words to me ... "I've got you." And I trust and understand Him and His love for me in a totally new way.
I just love it when stuff like that happens and the crossroads is now behind me and I'm moving forward in a new direction with renewed hope for the days ahead.
Last week I was listening to a CD from Ransomed Heart Ministries about finding your calling, and I heard something new ... or at least new for me. I now understand that my calling is different from my role and my assignment. My calling is that thing that makes me come alive and gives me LIFE and desire to do more. For me, that calling employs the gift of administration and I just light up when I can help others bring their vision to life. THAT jazzes me completely.
Interestingly though, for years I have been waiting for my healing to be complete so God can finally move me into my calling, and here I've been living it all along, in all my various roles and assignments. My calling transcends my role which currently is Sister, Aunt, Leader, Friend ... and is completely fulfilled in my current assignment as Administrative and Meetings Manager. I am free from the belief that I held for many years that my calling would not be fulfilled until I was in that place of freedom that God has been moving me toward. Growing up in a pastor's home, I saw my mom's role/assignment as a pastor's wife and adopted that as the ideal "calling" for my life ... and although I am very content in my singleness, have held this deep fear that I may never walk in my calling, so you can imagine how overwhelmed I am to realize I AM LIVING in my calling and SO fulfilled in that calling with my current assignment.
What a different way to think about who I am and what God is calling me into! I am free ... completely ... and can't wait to see what's next, but content with today in a whole new way! AND ... He's got me!
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Impact
Okay, so here is something that’s been bothering me lately … the portrayal of “impact” and who does or doesn’t qualify to make an impact. Why is it that we are consumed by this desire to make an impact? I’ll confess, I’m guilty of it too, but have a hard time talking about it because something feels not quite right … like I’m wanting more than I should … and then it hit me just a moment ago while reading “Words to Grow On” in the bi-weekly newsletter from my work: It’s because we ALL already make an impact that it bothers me so much when we talk about how badly we want to have an impact and make a difference in the world … why do I strive? Why do you?
There is nothing wrong, or “less than”, or not enough about the person who fixes my car or waits on me at CPK or orders the office supplies. And there is nothing wrong or “less” or not enough about me in the role that I play now or those that I played in the past. We are all in this same “space” and we were created by the same God and are fulfilling our role TODAY as we surrender ourselves to this process.
We all desire to make a difference … and the really cool thing is that we all do – right where we are … in this moment. I impact my assistant when I treat her with respect and honesty; I impact my family when I call them or email them; I impact my neighbor when I smile at them or say hello … and I never know how big or small that impact is. I am also aware that I can have a negative impact if I’m not careful with my words or my actions.
What I do know, is that this LIFE thing is about the process. It is about being present to the moment I am in right now, facing my realities and shortcomings and living in my strengths as the Lord brings me to new ventures, jobs, relationships, etc. I am a work in progress and I embrace that and welcome the impact I have in my small (very small) circle of influence today. And I am a better person for being in your circle of influence. Thank you for the impact you are having on my life … even in this moment!
There is nothing wrong, or “less than”, or not enough about the person who fixes my car or waits on me at CPK or orders the office supplies. And there is nothing wrong or “less” or not enough about me in the role that I play now or those that I played in the past. We are all in this same “space” and we were created by the same God and are fulfilling our role TODAY as we surrender ourselves to this process.
We all desire to make a difference … and the really cool thing is that we all do – right where we are … in this moment. I impact my assistant when I treat her with respect and honesty; I impact my family when I call them or email them; I impact my neighbor when I smile at them or say hello … and I never know how big or small that impact is. I am also aware that I can have a negative impact if I’m not careful with my words or my actions.
What I do know, is that this LIFE thing is about the process. It is about being present to the moment I am in right now, facing my realities and shortcomings and living in my strengths as the Lord brings me to new ventures, jobs, relationships, etc. I am a work in progress and I embrace that and welcome the impact I have in my small (very small) circle of influence today. And I am a better person for being in your circle of influence. Thank you for the impact you are having on my life … even in this moment!
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Grounded
Do you ever wonder why? Why do people interpret things in the way they do? Why do they believe certain things about themselves or others (or you) that in your opinion seems pretty far off base? Are they the delusional one … or is it you? And then how do you figure that one out?
It’s an interesting question … and perhaps one that can only be answered by time … time will reveal who we really are … time will allow the pain to heal, the wound to scab over and clarity to return … time will open their eyes (or mine) to the truth. There are two sides to every story, but there is often one that is more true than the other – more right – more just – or simply handled better, with greater honesty and with more maturity. And most of the time, determining which side you (or they) fall on, is something that only God should or can do. Sometimes the best thing you or I can do is to just let it go, allow yourself the liberty of not having to figure it out … and allow God to fight your battles and trust Him to know what the right thing is for the next step. He may just know better than me …
In my journey these days I strive for truth in all I do and in how I live, yet misunderstanding happens. I try to live out of the truest part of me … open and out loud … and I often wonder how I am perceived when I see others so unaware of who they are and how they are perceived. I detest wearing a mask, yet in all of us there is that tendency to cover who we really are. The real disconnect begins when that mask becomes more real than the person underneath. And breaking free from that is a process that invokes much pain and deep soul-seeking, all while learning to trust again.
In the meantime, I will ask my family and friends, but most of all God, to keep me grounded … to allow me to trust again … and most of all to remind me daily of who I truly am. We are on this journey together and I can’t wait to see what happens next …
It’s an interesting question … and perhaps one that can only be answered by time … time will reveal who we really are … time will allow the pain to heal, the wound to scab over and clarity to return … time will open their eyes (or mine) to the truth. There are two sides to every story, but there is often one that is more true than the other – more right – more just – or simply handled better, with greater honesty and with more maturity. And most of the time, determining which side you (or they) fall on, is something that only God should or can do. Sometimes the best thing you or I can do is to just let it go, allow yourself the liberty of not having to figure it out … and allow God to fight your battles and trust Him to know what the right thing is for the next step. He may just know better than me …
In my journey these days I strive for truth in all I do and in how I live, yet misunderstanding happens. I try to live out of the truest part of me … open and out loud … and I often wonder how I am perceived when I see others so unaware of who they are and how they are perceived. I detest wearing a mask, yet in all of us there is that tendency to cover who we really are. The real disconnect begins when that mask becomes more real than the person underneath. And breaking free from that is a process that invokes much pain and deep soul-seeking, all while learning to trust again.
In the meantime, I will ask my family and friends, but most of all God, to keep me grounded … to allow me to trust again … and most of all to remind me daily of who I truly am. We are on this journey together and I can’t wait to see what happens next …
Thursday, October 8, 2009
A momentary blessing ...
It is amazing to me how the Lord just reaches out and TOTALLY blesses you when you’re least expecting it! I’m sitting here at Whole Foods on north Academy, waiting for my car to be done at Pep Boys and as I glance up from the book I’m reading, there at the check-out station closest to my table is John Eldredge! Yup, no lie!
Of course, not wanting to be seen as a groupie, I squelch my immediate response to run over to him and gush about how much their ministry has changed my life … I take a moment to pray about it and tell the Lord that if he walks past my booth, I’ll take the opportunity to introduce myself (knowing, of course, that the main doors are in front of him and therefore NOT the direction for him to go). As he finishes up, the cashier points down toward the other door and he heads my direction.
So, up I get, introduce myself, telling him what a blessing attending the Captivating retreat was, and how my life will never be the same … and thank him for the openness that both he and his wife embrace as they minister. He is as engaging in person as he is in the DVD’s … lives real and in the moment and I so appreciated his response to me … as I’m sure I’m not the only person who disrupts his day in this way.
What a trip! This was the highlight of my day and once again I am completely humbled by the timing of the Lord … just to bless me and encourage me! The Lord truly DOES want to bless us. It is His desire to give us these little gifts … moments in time … where we become completely aware of His hand in our lives and how much He truly does love us! Oh how I wish I could see what is coming around the next bend in the road, but at the same time its SO exciting to be surprised like this … and guess what, ladies? He bought flowers, presumably for Stasi! A pretty cool guy who has taken the time to understand what makes HER day!
LOOK what the Lord can do!
Of course, not wanting to be seen as a groupie, I squelch my immediate response to run over to him and gush about how much their ministry has changed my life … I take a moment to pray about it and tell the Lord that if he walks past my booth, I’ll take the opportunity to introduce myself (knowing, of course, that the main doors are in front of him and therefore NOT the direction for him to go). As he finishes up, the cashier points down toward the other door and he heads my direction.
So, up I get, introduce myself, telling him what a blessing attending the Captivating retreat was, and how my life will never be the same … and thank him for the openness that both he and his wife embrace as they minister. He is as engaging in person as he is in the DVD’s … lives real and in the moment and I so appreciated his response to me … as I’m sure I’m not the only person who disrupts his day in this way.
What a trip! This was the highlight of my day and once again I am completely humbled by the timing of the Lord … just to bless me and encourage me! The Lord truly DOES want to bless us. It is His desire to give us these little gifts … moments in time … where we become completely aware of His hand in our lives and how much He truly does love us! Oh how I wish I could see what is coming around the next bend in the road, but at the same time its SO exciting to be surprised like this … and guess what, ladies? He bought flowers, presumably for Stasi! A pretty cool guy who has taken the time to understand what makes HER day!
LOOK what the Lord can do!
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Are you a tweeker or a seeker?
I am amazed at what the mind keeps locked away in the recesses … I’ve had some pretty interesting dreams over the years, but last night (9/29/09) was one of the first times I’ve been so thoroughly challenged by the Lord in a dream, with just a simple phrase. I don’t remember much, but in that haze between sleep and wakefulness, realized the Lord was asking me a question … “Sonya, will you be a tweeker or a seeker?” And that is a phrase that will stick with you!
Of course, as in all dreams, I immediately knew that what he was asking was, “Will you turn to me whenever you need a ‘fix’, or will you trust me in all things, spending time seeking me every day?” For those of you who don’t watch as much TV as I do, tweekers are meth addicts … no idea where that came from in my brain, but likely from one of those NCIS or CSI shows that I like to watch … so there it was … a word just waiting to be used by the Lord to really challenge me where I am at TODAY!
I’ve had some truly amazing breakthroughs and healing in the past month and a half, and yet here I sit, with the Lord calling me to Him in a dream, and asking me if I will become a seeker instead of just a tweeker, getting my ‘fix’ whenever I need it. And I find myself not wanting to listen … I don’t want to have to be responsible for what I now KNOW. It is so much easier to simply continue doing what I think I want to do without really having to invest in this life the Lord is calling me to. Is this laziness? Not at all – I’m not a lazy person … but I am VERY accomplished in the art of avoidance!
I had a mentor last fall/spring who said to me, “Sonya, you say ‘it’s easier’ a lot. Have you thought about what that means? What do you mean, it’s easier?” Okay, so here goes: It’s easier to keep going to all my substitute “comforters” than to let them go and surrender to God; it’s easier to go home and watch TV or read a book at night than to risk ‘engaging’ with other people, or God, both of whom will surely disappoint me (a lie to be sure, but intrinsic for many); it’s easier to not be involved or committed to anything, than to risk the pain that will surely come when that thing or person is taken away from me … it’s just easier … WOW! Talk about an eye opener … when you take the time to put it into words, you see the truth of your thoughts and the reality that it is, in fact, NOT easier, but simply an insulator that helps you believe the LIE that it is easier.
Now, I can choose to live the rest of my life, insulating myself against pain, disappointment and hope, keeping others at arms length and only showing that part of me that I have perceived to be “acceptable,” being a “tweeker” who only turns to God in those moments that I need my ‘fix’ in order to keep on going. In fact, I have chosen this life for many years, functioning on the premise that this is the EASIER way to live. However, “easier” is just a perception and only works for as long as I am able to insulate myself from the pain that lies under the surface … and when something happens to bring that pain to the surface, I have to choose more false comforters to feel better, or face the pain and tweek for that ‘fix’ to get me through the day… once I’ve gotten the fix, then I can go back to that sub-par existence, hiding my true self from everyone.
Wow! So, will I be a tweeker or a seeker? What will I choose … or better yet, what will you choose?
Of course, as in all dreams, I immediately knew that what he was asking was, “Will you turn to me whenever you need a ‘fix’, or will you trust me in all things, spending time seeking me every day?” For those of you who don’t watch as much TV as I do, tweekers are meth addicts … no idea where that came from in my brain, but likely from one of those NCIS or CSI shows that I like to watch … so there it was … a word just waiting to be used by the Lord to really challenge me where I am at TODAY!
I’ve had some truly amazing breakthroughs and healing in the past month and a half, and yet here I sit, with the Lord calling me to Him in a dream, and asking me if I will become a seeker instead of just a tweeker, getting my ‘fix’ whenever I need it. And I find myself not wanting to listen … I don’t want to have to be responsible for what I now KNOW. It is so much easier to simply continue doing what I think I want to do without really having to invest in this life the Lord is calling me to. Is this laziness? Not at all – I’m not a lazy person … but I am VERY accomplished in the art of avoidance!
I had a mentor last fall/spring who said to me, “Sonya, you say ‘it’s easier’ a lot. Have you thought about what that means? What do you mean, it’s easier?” Okay, so here goes: It’s easier to keep going to all my substitute “comforters” than to let them go and surrender to God; it’s easier to go home and watch TV or read a book at night than to risk ‘engaging’ with other people, or God, both of whom will surely disappoint me (a lie to be sure, but intrinsic for many); it’s easier to not be involved or committed to anything, than to risk the pain that will surely come when that thing or person is taken away from me … it’s just easier … WOW! Talk about an eye opener … when you take the time to put it into words, you see the truth of your thoughts and the reality that it is, in fact, NOT easier, but simply an insulator that helps you believe the LIE that it is easier.
Now, I can choose to live the rest of my life, insulating myself against pain, disappointment and hope, keeping others at arms length and only showing that part of me that I have perceived to be “acceptable,” being a “tweeker” who only turns to God in those moments that I need my ‘fix’ in order to keep on going. In fact, I have chosen this life for many years, functioning on the premise that this is the EASIER way to live. However, “easier” is just a perception and only works for as long as I am able to insulate myself from the pain that lies under the surface … and when something happens to bring that pain to the surface, I have to choose more false comforters to feel better, or face the pain and tweek for that ‘fix’ to get me through the day… once I’ve gotten the fix, then I can go back to that sub-par existence, hiding my true self from everyone.
Wow! So, will I be a tweeker or a seeker? What will I choose … or better yet, what will you choose?
Life is such a trip!
I am completely overwhelmed at what the Lord has done to bring me to this place I am in today. There is such a deep peace and complete knowledge and awareness of His love … and not ‘cause everything is going ‘my way’ … its there in spite of the reality that it’s not … that there are things I wish were different in my life.
But now I wonder how I could ever walk away from this new way of living. Of course, I am aware that negligence will lead me away faster than you can blink … neglect of my relationship with the Lord and the intrinsic need that is within all of us to connect deeply with Him, will effectively separate me from Him, and I do NOT want to go back there – too many years wasted that way. THIS new way of living is the only way I want to be!
It is amazing that the more control I surrender to the Lord, the more freedom that I encounter … freedom from habits and compulsive sin … from ‘needing’ affirmation from others. It is a paradox for sure, but one that I am embracing today. I WANT less control and as I give that up to Him, He is so faithful to show me how to be released from those things that I have ‘thought’ I needed to escape the pain … and He is healing the pain and heartache in miraculous ways. The POWER of the Lord transcends ALL other power available … and walking in THAT is where the freedom comes from.
I am humbled at the way He has wooed me to His heart, and OHHHH so grateful for His patience and passion for me … for ME! I truly am a daughter of the most high God, and He IS my deepest longing … I am complete in Him as I allow Him to complete me!
But now I wonder how I could ever walk away from this new way of living. Of course, I am aware that negligence will lead me away faster than you can blink … neglect of my relationship with the Lord and the intrinsic need that is within all of us to connect deeply with Him, will effectively separate me from Him, and I do NOT want to go back there – too many years wasted that way. THIS new way of living is the only way I want to be!
It is amazing that the more control I surrender to the Lord, the more freedom that I encounter … freedom from habits and compulsive sin … from ‘needing’ affirmation from others. It is a paradox for sure, but one that I am embracing today. I WANT less control and as I give that up to Him, He is so faithful to show me how to be released from those things that I have ‘thought’ I needed to escape the pain … and He is healing the pain and heartache in miraculous ways. The POWER of the Lord transcends ALL other power available … and walking in THAT is where the freedom comes from.
I am humbled at the way He has wooed me to His heart, and OHHHH so grateful for His patience and passion for me … for ME! I truly am a daughter of the most high God, and He IS my deepest longing … I am complete in Him as I allow Him to complete me!
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Big, BIG moments ...
I am constantly amazed at how God just reaches into your life and completely changes the direction of everything … without notice … and what a blessing it turns out to be! Freedom is the unexpected gift and life will never be the same.
Misunderstandings and distorted perceptions of others can be so damaging to all persons involved … people say things they shouldn’t … others listen … the pile gets out of hand and pretty soon you believe things about someone that aren’t even close to the truth. Its painful and can be so devastating … but your reaction, no matter where you are in this small act of a much bigger story, is what counts.
Will you allow what others say to affect your perceptions? Will you choose not to respond? Will you choose not to get involved in the first place? I’ve definitely been on both sides of the equation and in the past have made some not-so-great decisions that I hope I’ve learned from. That is part of the maturing process and today I am grateful for those lessons from the past because they are a part of what dictates my response today, and will also in the future when I fail to recall the lesson in time to follow the right path.
Now, with my feet firmly planted in the knowledge and absolute understanding of the Father’s love for me, I experience deep joy in spite of pain. The two can coexist BECAUSE of this understanding and knowledge of His love. I trust Him … implicitly. I am confident that He is in control and as I am able to surrender to this process, I am given this amazing gift … complete and utter peace … and freedom.
If you have the chance to listen to “Utter Relief of Holiness” by Ransomed Heart Ministries (John Eldredge), I encourage you to do so (www.ransomedheart.com in the Store under Audio recordings). Life transforming teachings on freedom.
I am so grateful for those of you in my life who believe in me. It is a blessing and a pleasure to be on this journey with you … keepin’ it real!
Misunderstandings and distorted perceptions of others can be so damaging to all persons involved … people say things they shouldn’t … others listen … the pile gets out of hand and pretty soon you believe things about someone that aren’t even close to the truth. Its painful and can be so devastating … but your reaction, no matter where you are in this small act of a much bigger story, is what counts.
Will you allow what others say to affect your perceptions? Will you choose not to respond? Will you choose not to get involved in the first place? I’ve definitely been on both sides of the equation and in the past have made some not-so-great decisions that I hope I’ve learned from. That is part of the maturing process and today I am grateful for those lessons from the past because they are a part of what dictates my response today, and will also in the future when I fail to recall the lesson in time to follow the right path.
Now, with my feet firmly planted in the knowledge and absolute understanding of the Father’s love for me, I experience deep joy in spite of pain. The two can coexist BECAUSE of this understanding and knowledge of His love. I trust Him … implicitly. I am confident that He is in control and as I am able to surrender to this process, I am given this amazing gift … complete and utter peace … and freedom.
If you have the chance to listen to “Utter Relief of Holiness” by Ransomed Heart Ministries (John Eldredge), I encourage you to do so (www.ransomedheart.com in the Store under Audio recordings). Life transforming teachings on freedom.
I am so grateful for those of you in my life who believe in me. It is a blessing and a pleasure to be on this journey with you … keepin’ it real!
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