Once upon a time ...

Why am I here? What is this “purpose” that I’m missing? Trust? How? … or better yet, who? I have become quite the reflective soul over the past few years, seeking to understand my place – my purpose here in this life. Dreams have died – hope has been lost and yet I KNOW there is more! And so the journey began…

When I moved to CO in July of 2005, it with a great deal of hope for the future and, frankly, blindly walking forward in my own power. I did not function from a place of trust at that time, but more from a place of disappointment, knowing that if I didn’t embrace the opportunity before me that I would regret it and miss out on that elusive “something” that was just around the corner. I did not set out with the intention of leaving all that was familiar behind and probably didn’t think much about that side of the move. I am, however, undeniably grateful that God held me in the palm of His hand in spite of my willful disregard for his voice. He led me here in spite of myself.

At that point in time I was suffering from an extreme loss of heart. Promises that the Lord made to me over 5 years at two different camps in PA were as yet unfulfilled and I had given up … moving to CO was, in my heart, walking away from any chance at fulfillment of those promises but that was fine with me. It was easier to kill my heart than to deal with the pain of what once was hoped for. Consequently it was easier to move thousands of miles away from those who loved me, than to constantly be subjected to the reminders of what was not or ever would be. I was alone anyway, trusted only myself and so the wild western frontier was a perfect place to start over – to hopefully find a new dream and become a part of something greater than myself, one way or another! I would do it on my own since God obviously wouldn’t do it for me.

Wow! What arrogance! When I reflect on who I was in that moment, I am awestruck that HE has pursued me relentlessly, every single day… He has called me softly with the whisperings of what He had to offer me, roared mightily in the midst of the Colorado summer storms, and wooed me with an acceptance, passion and beauty that I was helpless to resist… I am in love! For the first time … absolutely, truly and hopelessly in love with the ONE who is above all and in all. He is my life and my salvation and I have discovered His amazing love for me in a way I never dreamed.

My deepest questions have been answered by Him … and so completely that they never need be asked again. I am delighted in, and I delight in Him. I am a warrior princess and a part of a story that is SO monumental as to be called a battle. He is walking forward with me, ahead of me, around me and I will never again believe the lie that I am alone. My passions are unveiled, my heart is His and I will live in the here and now … in this moment … ever grateful, humbled and amazed at what He has done. Healing that I have searched for is already complete as He opens my eyes to His truth … to hear His voice. There is no greater gift and I wish it for all of us … do you KNOW who you are in Him? Do you understand this great story in which we all have a roll to play? You ARE a part of this adventure … this story … this battle … we ALL are …

My desires are just becoming known as He awakens me to the first chapter in this new story … and so it begins …

Once upon a time ...